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Q.

How do I talk to my fiance about having herpes? Also how can I be sure not to give it to him once were married?

I've been on medication and see a dr regularly, I just am scared I could spread it to him, and am nervous to talk to him about it.

Related Topics: Herpes, Nervousness, Fear, Vision
 

Answers From Experts & Organizations (1)

Primary Care
5,195 Answers
32,221 Helpful Votes
424 Followers
A.
He is your fiance. Be honest and just tell him the truth. I remember a similar situation with one of my patients. When she finally got the nerve to tell him, he was relieved. He had contracted herpes himself years before and was afraid to tell her.
Not all people who get exposed to herpes will get it. You are on suppression medications for herpes, I assume, so the chance of an subsequent outbreak is less-likely but still possible. Obviously, if you know you are having signs of an outbreak, you should avoid sex at that time. Some studies have shown that it is possible to transmit this virus to another person even if you to not have active lesions, but this is less-likely as well. This is the risk that both of you will need to take.
If both of you had sexual partners in the past, you may have been equally as exposed to the potential of getting an sexually-transmitted disease. You may have been the unlucky one, but honesty will go a long, long way in your new relationship if you just tell him.

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A.

I would recommend speaking to him as soon as possible.  I talked to my (now) husband very early on, as soon as I saw that things were getting serious, but before they got sexual.  I gave him the facts, told him he was free to leave if he wasn't comfortable - no harm, no foul.  He wasn't interested in going anywhere, but was appreciative that I spoke up about it. I take medication every day, and double up during outbreaks, but you are right, the threat of spreading it to him is certainly there.  He has read up on the issue and is more informed now, and supportive.  I recommend having some websites available, or printouts with you - ready to give him when discussing the condition.  Sometimes our fear of disclosure is overblown.  It also gives us a chance to be upfront and honest with our partner about things that happened to us prior to meeting them that were not our choice, not our wish, but we are dealing with and hoping, in sharing with our new love, to have their support so we can deal with the issue together.   Good luck.

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