There are some skills that you can develop to help you improve your ability to manage anger. Just like with any other skill set, it’s best to practice when you don’t have the pressure of needing to be doing it well in that moment. With this in mind, consider the following ABCD approach:

Activity: Exercise regularly, and then also do it when you feel your anger building. If you don’t already have an exercise routine, explore different types of exercise to find the ones you most enjoy (e.g. jogging, weight lifting, Pilates).

Breathing: Deep (or diaphragmatic) breathing can be very helpful in calming down or reducing anxiety. You breathe slowly, taking time to pause at the end of each inhale and exhale. With this kind of breathing, your stomach will ‘inflate’ like a balloon when you inhale, and ‘deflate’ when you exhale. Meanwhile, your chest will not expand. If this is difficult for you, try lying on your back with your knees pulled up and your feet flat on the floor. It can also help to place a hand on your stomach to feel its rise on your inhale.

Calming activity: Find a hobby or activity that you enjoy and can engage in with your full attention. Examples are gardening, yoga, painting, or playing music.

Deepening Understanding — of yourself and the other person: It can be extremely helpful to be aware of what ‘pushes your buttons.’ By fully understanding this, you can step back and see it happening, which also means that you will not be as caught up in it and can choose to respond differently. So, for instance, you might say to yourself, “There I go again. Every time someone even implies that I’m not doing a good job, I get furious.”

It can also be helpful to understand the person triggering your anger. Chances are that they think their actions are valid; so by understanding their perspective (even if you disagree), you might be able to lessen your own anger and even respond in a way that they can respond more positively to.

This answer should not be considered medical advice...This answer should not be considered medical advice and should not take the place of a doctor’s visit. Please see the bottom of the page for more information or visit our Terms and Conditions.