Divorce isn't just the end of an official contract; it is a legal surgery that separates two people whose lives have been joined. Particularly after long marriages, it is painful and traumatic and people need time to heal afterward.

Moving on in a healthy way — healing from the pain of divorce — requires that you feel the pain. Otherwise, you are just covering a wound that is likely to fester under the surface, demanding attention at some later time. So, it is important to allow yourself to feel the hurt, anger, sadness, or whatever other emotional distress that your divorce inflicts upon you. Then you can actively take steps forward toward a happier future.

At some point, you will likely want to date again. Hopefully, at this point, you will have a life filled with many things and people that you enjoy. Also, if you know what you are looking for in a person (i.e. respectful partner, someone to go hiking with) and relationship (i.e. just fun, long term commitment), then you are more likely to find it; and feel fulfilled by it.

Knowing what you want is also very important when you have children. Consider your child's age and personality as you decide how to proceed. Consider how much you want him or her exposed to your dating life. You will probably want to shelter them a bit from your exploration, as each new date might unrealistically be seen as a possible threat (i.e. taking your attention, dashing hopes of reconciliation with your ex-spouse) or savior (i.e. joining the family to once again make it complete).

Where can you meet people? How can you go about this? While it's not easy, it's not impossible, either. Your attitude is critical. Being happy, hopeful, and open to meeting someone can help you. Because dating can be a bumpy road, a positive attitude can also help you to bounce along without feeling too bruised.

Here are some concrete suggestions for finding a partner:

1) Let people know that you are interested in dating; you might be surprised who can set you up with someone and who that someone might be (hopefully the partner of your dreams, though you must also be prepared for the date of your nightmares).

2) Join activities or clubs that interest you; then you will be happy with what you are doing whether or not you meet a special someone.

3) Find out about singles activities and try some out.

4) Try online dating services. There are many of them; just a few popular ones are as Match.com, eHarmony.com, perfectmatch.com, and Lavalife.com

This answer should not be considered medical advice...This answer should not be considered medical advice and should not take the place of a doctor’s visit. Please see the bottom of the page for more information or visit our Terms and Conditions.